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Catagorically it is written that on the eighth day God created Monster and on that monster he bestowed upon him the power of the Ultimate Cookie an uncanny ability to devour and indulge in debaucherous activities leaving nothing but crumbs in it`s wake.

Onwards and in the years that followed God unwisely realized the error of his ways and a subsequent fall from grace for the monster became apparent. We do not know from the ancient Sumerian scrolls the magnitude of the Cookie Monsters crimes however we can assume that they were so horrendous to these ancient infidels that no man would dare commit those words in stone lest other men gaze upon them and expire with the horror of it all.

Obscurely in the millennia that followed it is believed that the monster has roamed the four corners of the earth adopting various guises. Historians unanimously agree that one of these guises was the pre-christian pagan God of northern Europe known as `The Lord of this world`, `Pan` and the Green Man`, granted that the Monster is actually blue it is believed that the ancient pagans were actually colour blind ! One of the traits of this God was for his followers to eat, shag and get pissed on a Saturday night. ( fact, not made up ). Clansmen were thought to be looked upon favourably for their debauched activities. The monster is also believed to have visited the then pleasant cities of `Sodom` and `Gammorah` and shown the residents the error of their ways !

Kindly a few years ago Iron ( or should we call him lead these days ! ) Mike Tyson is thought to have been possessed by the almighty monster whilst fighting Evander `the real meal` Hollyfield in the USA. This resulted in Tyson developing an unholy ( field ! ) hunger for the funny little ears of his opponent, which happen to be shaped like cookies !

In recent research it has been revealed that today traces of the Cookie Monster can still be found as a virus devouring the `cookies` on computer hard drives the world over. Also it is thought that he was the inspiration behind the politically correct `Monster Raving Cookie Party`.

Everlastlingly as a homage to our mentor, We have resurrected a Cult to this great Monster ( unquestionably our divine lord and master ) in order to show the people of this world the error of their boring ways. We will admit that we are not fit to kiss the crumbs in his wake however he is our Lord and master and we WILL WORSHIP HIM, `um num numb, um num numb`.

THE ULTIMATE COOKIE

Further evidence of the almighty monster through the ages:

Much has been discussed and recently brought to our attention that the cookie monster actually has had a passage accessible to him throughout the ages to the underworld below ( his highway to hell ). Apparently this can be found on an island in Lough Dergh in Ireland and goes by the name of St Patrick`s Purgatory, St Patrick being the first person to travel this dark path was perused and promptly mugged by the Cookied one as he made his way to Satan`s house for black tea and cookies. Many travelers on this path are said to have not survived the horror’s of our Lord Cookies brutal yet jovial mugging let alone actually make it to Satan’s house.

These days the island is now a holy place of Catholic vigils, don`t ask us why, it just is !

HOW TO WORSHIP HIM - DA COOKIE CODE ( Of Conduct )

On matters of importance for starters you will need an old prayer mat with a compass in. You will then need to give it much grief until it starts to look something like Uncle Frank`s mattress from Hellraiser ( old blood stains, bodily juices and miscellaneous chains ). Next you will need to mark on the compass the direction of Sesame Street. Orientate your mat in that direction and you are nearly ready. Sprinkle cookie crumbs on the mat and you’re all set to kneel on it and pray to him for the debauched life that you deserve. (all this whilst listening to Slayer ! )

Not a religion for the faint hearted, aside from praying, partying hard and being a bit of a perv are looked upon favorably and will help to ensure your place in the demonic Cookie infested afterlife.

So an important fact is that Black and Blue are the official colours of this religion so adorn yourself in those now.

The fact that this is a new religion and still in development means that any suggestions are welcomed on the forum.

End Notes

Everyone join us now, go on you know it makes sense.

Right then, let`s be `avin ya and who can crack `DA COOKIE CODE` on this page to find the badly hidden 2 words on it. Answers on a postcard please, mail to : Debauched Lord Cookie, 7th Gate of Hades, HELL, XX6 66X

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Hereeeeeeeees COOKIE !

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