Hear Ye! ~ Ladies and Gentlemen: When you buy a shot in New Orleans they ask you if you “want a skirt with that” (meaning salt and a lime). This is because men don’t wear skirts. “Oh, but what if it’s a hearty and tough Utilikilt that I read about in the New York Times?” Shut the fuck up. Kilts are bullshit. Kilts were invented by ponces like Sir Walter Scott back in the early 19th century to satisfy England’s fascination with the Scottish highlander. All that clan tartan and knife-in-the sock/Braveheart shit is completely made up. Highlanders were drunken savages who wore whatever plaid blankets they could find and only cared about not dying. KILTS ARE BULLSHIT.*

* an important note from your Group Leader: credit and thanks to the pleasantly snarky nutjobs over at VICE Magazine (I directly lifted the above text/pic from their typically damn funny "Dont's" section - http://snipurl.com/i51v) for inspiring me to create this group.