The mission of the United States Emo Prevention and De-Emo-fication Enforcement agency (USEPDE) is to discourage being Emo, prevent others from going Emo, and to persuade those already Emo to become human again. We meet our mission through peer counseling, and instilling the consequences of being or turning Emo.

We believe that most persons who consider themselves to be Emo have no reason to be "emotional" or depressed. For example, rich kids living in $500,000 houses, driving a car no older than three years, and that have the best gaming system in the market hooked up to a 40-inch plasma TV and a DLP(R) LCD projector obviously have no reason to go around saying that "life is so cruel" to them.

Being Emo may be okay for those who experience very harsh situations at home (divorce, loss of loved ones, unplanned pregnancy, etc.) on a more-often-than-normal basis. However, we know that there is a possibility that life will get better as the time goes by. Trying to get attention by cutting yourself and blinding yourself with your hair and taking pictures from all sorts of weird and unnecessary angles will not help your image within society, and will probably send the message to people that you want to be treated differently or like some weirdo.

Thanks to society, we consider girls to be more sentimental than guys when it comes to many things (ahem, Hillary Clinton). Because of this stereotype or clichè, we are led to believe that guys who are overly emotional are homosexual or "soft". Hence, we STRONGLY emphasize that guys should NOT be Emo! Many girls that are Emo are super hot, really fine, and extremely sexy, but we don't seem to think that it would work on a guy. Maybe this is because the Hierarchy of Command here at USEPDE is mostly guys, so we don't judge guys. An exception, however, is Better Judgment. There are many things that we, even as guys, can immediately identify to look bad. One great example would be tight-fitting jeans. These look great on the girl Emos, and brings out the girls' figures and booties, but on the guys, it looks GAY! Doesn't it hurt your area down there, too, when excessive pressure is applied against it? Then again, Emos don't father children, now, do they? How an Emo can score a fine-ass chick and "get lucky" with her remains a mystery to our top investigators.

THESIS: Emo is unacceptable!